How the Brain Forms Associations
The mammalian brain constantly forms associations, linking thoughts, feelings, and experiences in ways we rarely notice. Neuroscientist Joseph LeDoux gives the example of a rabbit that encounters a fox at a specific watering hole and barely escapes. The watering hole and the fox become linked in the rabbit’s brain through fear. If the rabbit returns to that spot, it will automatically feel afraid.
Schemas: Internal Models of Ourselves and Others
Related associations cluster into schemas — internal working models of ourselves and others. Consider a girl we’ll call Jasmine, who is repeatedly criticized by her parents for expressing an opinion. These experiences evoke feelings of shame. Just as the rabbit associates the watering hole with physical danger, Jasmine comes to associate expressing her opinion with social danger. She develops a schema that it’s unsafe to share her thoughts with others.
Schemas are initially protective. By adopting the belief that it’s unsafe to share her opinion, Jasmine protects herself from further hurt. But over time, the same schema can become maladaptive. When Jasmine grows up and finds herself around supportive individuals, it might continue to hold her back. Unable to share her views, she misses the chance to receive understanding and validation — important sources of psychological nourishment.
Schemas Operate Below Awareness
One challenge with schemas is that they usually operate outside of awareness. Jasmine may feel anxious when asked to share her opinions, without understanding why. She might even project her early experiences onto others, perceiving criticism or rejection where none exists.
Another challenge is that the origins of schemas are often unknown. Many form in our first two years of life, before we’re capable of forming long-term memories. As a result, we’re often left guessing how certain beliefs about ourselves and others took shape.
Freud and the Unconscious Mind
Although Sigmund Freud lived long before modern neuroscience, he was a keen observer of the human psyche. He discovered ways to bring these unconscious patterns into awareness — by listening closely as patients freely associated, by noticing recurring relational patterns, and by exploring dreams and slips of the tongue. Each of these methods illuminated the underlying schemas shaping their emotional lives.
Hidden Impulses and Desires
I should add that schemas aren’t the only contents of the unconscious. We also carry natural impulses and desires that we’ve come to associate with shame — often because this was the message we absorbed from our families and culture. To avoid their disapproval, we learned to banish many of these yearnings from our awareness. Yet they continue to influence us from beneath the surface, shaping how we feel, think, and relate.
Awareness and Freedom
Becoming aware of unconscious thoughts and feelings isn’t easy, but it can be deeply rewarding. When we begin to recognize the schemas and hidden impulses and longings that shape our reactions, we gain more freedom to choose how we respond. Rather than being driven by old patterns, we can relate to others — and to ourselves — with greater understanding and flexibility.